Crazy. How can I be a liar?? Makes no sense to me. I definitely was forthcoming and told what occured. Yes I did have certain intentions but they changed after a pivotal conversation between us. You knew the things that happened. I'm sorry you had to see the words of a late night conversation but I can't change the past. I'm not an asshole & definitely not a liar.
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there's nothing one can do to change the past. That's why it's the past; it cannot be augmented. I just have come to understand this fact, and feel it is critical in the maturation process. One must understand what to do after a momentous occasion in order to become a more mature person. Personally, I feel that I can use forgiveness as my biggest tool to move forward. Seeing an event as a paper cut rather than a tumor is a great way to look at it. A paper cut will hurt sometimes, but only for a short while. People must understand these "paper cuts" are easy to get over and do no require too much time. On the other hand, tumors are life threatening and potentially untreatable. In order to properly diagnose the situation, whether tumor or paper cut, one must identify the severity of the pain and make sure that they handle it accordingly. Then and only then will the "wound" be healed properly and the correct steps can be taken to moving forward in life

-Mr Solo Dolo

I am who I am. There's nothing I can do to change that. Sorry. All I can do is work on being the best me I can be. Of course there are some areas I fall short in but just know there are some in which I excel. I hope the areas I'm not "astute" in don't deter you from being with me. I hate feeling like this & constantly thinking about this shit but there's nothing else I can do about it. Writing is my only solace when certain situations arise. I'm fuckin self conscience as fuck now and it's not a good feeling. I went from feeling comfortable in my own skin to wishin I was in someone else's. I love you, and don't think there's too many out there who love you like I do. Just stay with me & we can make what we have flourish.

-Mr Solo Dolo
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Why can't things be simple? I feel that as "adults" we college students tend to overcomplicate the simple things. It probably is because we aren't mature enough to handle certain situations. But, it could also be because we over dramatize things and make them gallon size issues when their really an oz. Personally, I pray that all my friends around me can find this simplicity which I try and lead my life by. It will definitely make things in life so much better
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I just felt like writing. After a night of push ups & sit ups it just feels right to release mentally as well as physically. I didn't wanna talk to anyone about anything so writing is my next outlet. Listening to "Man On The Moon: The End Of Day" is truly an unbelievable experience and I recommend it to anyone who loves music. This album is really making me think about who I really am. Not putting on a facade of what people expect, but just me. I may be lame, whack, etc but in the end I guess it's just me.

Love ME or leave me ALONE...
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1st 2 days...of the rest of my life

This has truly been the best 2 days i could have asked for to start the program. the kids are truly receptive and beyond smart. no discipline issues, only minor talking, and at least 80% class involvement. i really just want the kids to lose that fear of being wrong and gain the fear of not expressing themselves. i feel its one of the major fears that prevents kids from becoming even better students because they think they'll be ridiculed for being wrong. the truth is someone else was thinking the same thing so by TRYING you're just being helpful. I even received a nice eval today from the Dean of Faculty and it'll be my personal goal to strive to upkeep that same high regard throughout the program. i want nothing but success for the kids and it's going to be my vendetta to lead them in that direction...

Listen
Ask
Respect
Try
ASK AGAIN!!!

42+

so it’s a little over 6 weeks now
and everyday I have this frown
upon my face because I know
it’s one more day where I cant see your glow
but , I know once we breathe the same air
it’ll be me who takes you there
to that place you’ve longed to be
for oh so long
that place that is a playlist of your favorite songs
I happily like to call it “Euphoria”

in this place there are no sad faces,
for all frowns are turned upside down
it’s one of the most desired places
and you will be the one who wears the crown
I’ll call you my queen, to whom I give my all
for if you misstep, it’ll be I who breaks that fall

I know I may be ahead of myself
because all this promise doesn’t ensure wealth
but who am I not to dream
I don’t wanna be considered a fiend
but…
this moment it feels so close
yet, far far away
it’ll surely be a dose
of pure, unconcentrated ecsta-say

Then, I can say it’s you I got
[oops, my fault] I meant possess
where all the events in this plot
will be worth this emotional duress

All in 42+…

consumed

like jordans on any saturday, or yeezy's on the 1st weekend of june, april and may, I feel consumed. i cant necessarily understand why, but it's as if everything surrounding me has some ironic connection to you. its as if my mind is constantly creating metaphors and similes from my daily actions in order to keep a steady stream of wonderful images of you flowing through my mind. my brain is the highway and every car from every maker seems to be you. whether benz, bmw, or beetle they all resemble you. like the girl at the walmart who just got the checks for her 4 kids, my cart is overflowing and these are not things such as cereal, milk, eggs and cheese; i'm talkin conversations, txts, bbm, and skype convos. i cant seem to have enough of you. my metabolism must be insanely fast because all of this intake does nothing to hinder my figure. i automatically divulge of one round of the aforementioned grocery list and thirst, no desire, no need, NO covet another before i become empty. i'm not one for obesity, so as long as the effects don't show i guess i can continue to be as greedy as i please...

:) + clock = <3

Quality Over Quantity

It felt sooo great to see my aunts, granma and granda all in the same house. When u throw in the fact my dad was there too, it was a truly memorable evening. Just 1;30 mins, the amount of time doesn't do it justice. Quality over quantity is usually true & this time it definitely held up :-)
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Sports Talk

So the lake show aka black mamba and the boys did it like I previously stated they would. Now I didn't know they would utter a complete and utter ass whoopin but hey, when kobe's on and the D is swarming what is a team to do??

Next up is a little MLB chatter. I feel sorry for the fans in pittsburgh where their pirates haven't had a winning season since b bonds was jumping over walls in 3 rivers stadium. They just recently traded the most effective if not best player CF nate mcclouth. I hear boycott talk up in west PA and I'm all for it. Best of luck pirate fans

My man fed aka roger federer stormed back today from a 1-2 deficit against 5 seed johan del potro. After nadal was upset by soderling it was critical that fed take this opportunity by the hands and after a previous 5 setter against tommy haas, fed looked shy early in this match but rebounded like a champion. Best of luck to fed as he tries to tie pete sampras' 14 majors on sunday at roland garros. I love the soderling story, but I'm going for greatness in this one.

That's all for sports talk right now. Look out for the nightly recap later.
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Pit-Pat

It knocks upon my window
Sometimes like a burglar
And others, like a good friend
Regardless of its pretense, I can't let it in
It must stay outside, because it keeps me calm
I feel a certain peace of mind
And a calm that doesn't happen all the time
Yet, its a shame it can only come around ever so often
Because it truly makes the pain go away like an apple a day
Pit-pat is the melodious rhythm I hear on the AC downstairs
This beat calms my thoughts and hides my fears
I know it will do more harm than good
And I love the way that its non-biased as it hits the suburbs and the hood
I wish I could be like the rain drops to which I listen
They seem so at peace just doing a simple duty
Which is to help me sleep better and gain a sense of clarity

Pit...pat..pit...pat keeps my heartbeat steady & type
Thus, I never, ever have to deal with fright

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Damn...

There's something that is kinda crazy. How can something occur and then there be a delayed reaction. I know I'm far from perfect but telling me I messed up after the fact doesn't have the same impact as doing it in the moment. I hate upsetting people but when I don't get stopped in my tracks, all I can say is "damn..." when I hear about it later
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Hmmm

Just wanted to see if this email thhing worked
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the day on the right track and the last 2.5 hrs went by like a breeze. I even got to joke around with some kids in high school. Lol

then on the day went ok and it really peaked when my godmother got me a foot long 1/2 chicken 1/2 philly steak sub from zero's. This sub set the rest of

r some reason. Then I decided I needed a pick-me-up so I went and got a delicious brownie from the stand in the lobby and it was well worth the $1. From

Sooo work started off in the worst way possible. I felt stupid tired when I woke up and then when I got to work I figured out that my ear was bleeding fo

numero cuatro

i think its time mr kobe bean bryant aka unstoppable bka BLACK MAMBA gets his 4th ring. i'm tired of people giving him the short end of the stick on the "Great Debate" saying he needs shaq, and not understanding his true greatness. the ability to impact on both ends of the court, facilitate the offense, score, lead his team, and defend the best player all make kobe the #2 SG of all time [ESPN agrees too]. just know that orlando WILL NOT make 10 3's a game and Dwight Howard will actually have to play post D this series. Lewis has to guard Gasol in the post so he'll be tired and If Kobe gets his 26-33 it's going to be scary because he's passing the ball much better. I cant wait until the matchups unfold

LA IN 6

who knows...

i just felt the need to press these fingers upon the keys on this weird, yet wonderful evening. 2.5 hr nap, nice dinner, great jokes with fam and the solitude i always desire. yet, something...or someone is missing. who is it, who knows...? all i know is that i would love to be with someone in this time slot. it's what i have become accustomed to so it's something i expect on a regular basis. maybe...just maybe, i need nights like these to get rid of my dependence upon the opposite sex, but who's to say that dependence is a bad thing? i just know it's what i want...VAorAL??? they both make me beyond happy for different reasons but i know i'll only have one and i have figured out who it is. the choice is actually pretty obvious with no disrespect to the other. its definitely going to be __. Thought i would give it away, hell naw! lol but in time the one whom it is will definitely figure it out if they haven't already. distance is a bitch, but it makes the heart grow fonder and the adversity it brings builds character....[i WISH i had my XBOX 360]

a good listen

here is a five song set that is sure to be a great listen if there is some special person in your life you can't stop thinking about, OR you just wanna listen to some great slow jams.

1.her heart- anthony hamilton

2.beautiful surprise- india.arie

3.halo- beyonce

4.notebook- chrisette michelle

5.do you feel me - anthony hamilton

believe me, these songs shall not disappoint and will have all of your thoughts focused on that special somebody =]

[false] reality

never would i want to truly lead another astray. it's nothing that is an intentional plot in order to see grief, hurt and despair on the face on someone whom I care about. the way i am is the way i am only because it is who i am. am i wrong for being me? i know change is necessary, but i feel that you have to start with baby steps. opening up is nothing that i've ever considered before and now i can do it with no regrets. progress, right? i believe it is. just know that they way i feel should not be critiqued. the thoughts i have cannot be seen as black or white, but rather a beautiful rainbow with a large, glowing spectrum of radiant colors. simple, no. complex, no. somewhere in between, yes. thus, try and understand why and what i do. know my motivations and don't try and assume them. satisfaction on one level is not equal to satisfaction upon another. "honesty is key, trust is necessary & without them everything is rubble" -CW4

the end..

it was great
happy moments
sad times
encouragement
arguing
love
disgust
anger
passion
deep feelings
a little resentment
but all love in the end...

that sums up what we were and it was a great ride....i'll never forget it on [you]
the things we went through cant be duplicated in any way and will forever hold a special place in my heart. sorry i wasnt ready for all you could be but i had to be honest and do what was best for me...i'll always be here

productivity

it's about that time to end on a STRONG note. these classes dont appear to be "difficult" per say but they do pose a few issues. I hope that in these last 20 odd days of class i don't mess up what i built first semester and finish with anything less than a 3.85 for the year. If I do that then I will definitely be on my way to a spot in PBK [Phi Beta Kappa]

a few idle thoughts

1. this semester has been CRAZY
2. other than my goonz in Graves, i dont bang with a lot of my bros =/
3. UNC better win tonight
4. time has flown by...remember when the strip was "poppin"
5. big byrd and purris' blogs keep me entertained
6. i need to get these grades right
7. anybody else excited for the probates????
8. can people please stop making paragraph facebook statuses??? just becuz you can doesn't mean you should
9.naps = <3
10. i cant stop loving Elena Estelle Washington...i feel mad dumb in love...BUT OH WELL [11.16]

convo with amber

read an enjoy this wonderful facebook chat convo with my girl amber b shelley, lol

3:48amCharlie
ooo..but what does ur tat say??


3:48am
Amber
La famille est un havre dans un monde sans coeur...family is a haven in a heartless world

3:49am
Charlie
oooo...nice
but BOOOOO french

3:49amAmber
lol why? i love french

3:50amCharlie
french sucks
spanish is the ish

3:51amAmber
oh whatever! french is better than Spanish anyday

3:51amCharlie
keep that bs on your campus

3:51amAmber
at least we can speak french in ANY francophone and still be understood

3:52amCharlie
what is a francophone??

3:52amAmber
french speaking country

3:53amCharlie
its only like 8 in the world

3:54amAmber
Africa is more than eight itself
then there luxembourg
and France
and other places i can't remember
don't be a hater

3:54amCharlie
ok...well we have a whole continent
fla, ttx*, cali
and the caribbean
oh, and spain
:P

3:55amAmber
haiti is french too!
so the carribean doesn't count
HA!

3:55amCharlie
watev

3:55amAmber
lousiana too

3:55amCharlie
well throw in new mexico

3:56amAmber
yours don't all speak the same spanish though
mine all speak the same french
well except for lousiana...they on some other shit

3:57amCharlie
nobody speaks the "same" of any language
everyone has their own dialect

3:58amAmber

Charlie, don't be gettin all technical with me

you know what i mean

all of our words mean the same

in every country

3:58amCharlie

and ours dont???

3:58amAmber

hecks no!!

3:58amCharlie

ok....

3:59amAmber

certain words in mexican spanish can mean something totally different in the dominican republic

ask alex...she told me that

4:00amCharlie

YOU WIN DARNIT

gosh!

women always gotta be right

gotta have the last word

UGH

4:00amAmber

ha ha ha

i'm glad you learned this now

life will be a lot easier for you

4:01amCharlie

amen

your species is ridiculous

4:02amAmber

lol well, we're so simple it's complicated

4:02amCharlie

bull SHIT

4:03amAmber

ha ha how so?

4:04amCharlie

nothing is simple about females

you all make life soo frikkin complicated

when its supposed to be simple

4:04amAmber

lol i make things quite simple

give me my attention and don't lie

isn't that simple?

4:05amCharlie

yeah

but many others

: cough cough: alex

dont

lol

4:06amAmber

lol damn...but you're right

4:06amCharlie

thank you

4:06amAmber

most girls are a lot more immature than they want to believe

4:06amCharlie

PREACH!

4:06amAmber

ha ha i'm just bein real...

it's funny how girls like to talk about being on they "grown woman" but still play little girl games

then try to act like they don't know what's goin on when they get called out on it or the realtionship suffers from it

4:07amCharlie

can i put this on my blog???

ppl need this wisdom

lol

4:08amAmber

lol you can if you'd like

i think i should write more notes

4:08amCharlie

you definitely should

and i definitely am

time with the fam

i really enjoyed spending a beautiful saturday with the fam traveling to birmingham, alabama. we went to visit the birmingham civil rights institute [don't call it a museum, lol] and the history there overwhelmed me. it was a privilege to be in a place with such a historic past and a place where greats like dr fred shuttlesworth, dr martin luther king and rev ralph abernathy helped to make changes that i personally benefit from today. spending time with my grandmother, baby sister and mom is always a treat of some of the laughs and talks we shared I will always remember. :-D

refreshed

sometimes it takes a night alone...
a convo at 2 am in the cold of an atlanta night
to figure out what is right; for you, for her.
because of this i now feel refreshed,
replenished, and ready
for all that life has to offer
for me and her. i know we can do it
and only me or her can stop it

11/16/08 - until.....

sleeping DISorder

where to begin?? the past 3 nights [well, mornings] including this one I have not stayed asleep for more than 4 hours. That means going to bed by 2 and being up by 6. It is something that truly scares me because I've never had sleeping problems before and I think it's a clear sign that this college lifestyle has officially taken its toll on me. Although in high school I was never one who need 7-9 hours of sleep [usually slept by 1 and was up by 6] at least is was a consistent 5-6 hours. I should have noticed something was wrong when I went home for breaks and could never get more than 6 hours of sleep even if I had nothing to do the next day and didn't set an alarm. I don't know what to do now and the only possible solution i can imagine is to stop taking naps [which i've done since soph yr] and hopefully fall asleep naturally. BUT sadly i think the only true solution will lie in not having to have 2 roommates and having to basically be on a sleep schedule that says "3 am is bedtime" I love my niggas to death [no homo] but I'm a natural loner and when the issue of sleep comes up I need to have my own space to hit the lights and be out whenever i please....I pray this all works out..SOON

pushing through

I personally know that I am not the best person there is. I constantly tell others "I'm a horrible person" The more I say this, the more I'm starting to believe it. There is no reason for the harsh, mean, sarcastic nature I have the majority of the time. It's a shame that I am like this and I actually want to offer a PUBLIC APOLOGY (and i HATE apologizing) to anyone, mainly ELENA, that I may have offended in the past.

To you baby,
I hope we make it through our little storm and that it is only an april shower and not an august hurricane. I know I can do better by you and that is truly my goal in these last 36 days on campus together. Thank you so much for staying with me and putting up with all the bullshit I throw out, my nonchalant attitude, and my questionable behavior when it comes to getting attention. Know that I fully love you and if I didn't I wouldn't still be here and do what I do for you.

Love,
Lil Charlie [insider]

SelfControl

I see you there...
Sitting in all of the marvelous beauty
you've been blessed to possess
i want nothing more than to....
slowly...caress you
tenderly...touch you
& emotionally feel you
but i know i can't....

now, "IT" kicks in
knowing where to go
when to stop
what to touch
and what i cannot
it hurts so bad
but know
it's only for good
without "IT"
opportunities never end
possibilities are boundless
and pleasure is possible that
has yet to be seen

Thus, i must have it
to protect the sanctity of this
to make this bond tighter
to, to show i TRULY care

SelfControl...be my guide and my crystal stair

givelife

So, i thought I would share with everyone again my wonderful message from church. This one didn't come from CAU chapel but instead from an amazing place called 12Stone. I went with 2 of my best friends [Alex & French] and I must say it was a great, inspiring, life-altering message....Enjoy and take something away from it

Cats aren't clean, just covered with cat spit.
Women and cats will do as they please. Men and dogs should just relax and let them.

Always give yourself fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

Play as if you know the ending to the game.
Remember why we're here and what we're called to do. Death has been swallowed up in victory.

A full life comes in you pouring OUT to others. Water flow is the picture of a full life. We have to pour out so the father can pour in.

Pattern 4 pouring out:
1. Give gratitude to God

2. Pause for outsiders

3. Serve insiders (a church gets full life when everyone serves)

4. Go out of your way to serve others

No More Breakdowns....Just BREAKTHOUGHS

I just thought I'd share the wonderful message I received at CAU Chapel Sunday....ENJOY :D

Easter is an experience, a lifestyle.

There are times in ur life u don't feel the presence of god; when things become an illusion. We need a God who's real & meets us where we are.

If we need the breakthrough we're gonna need to hold on to the discussion of hope. Hold on to hope. W/o hope we are perishing

Without hope there is no faith, without faith we are no pleasing God.

You've got to have the word of God. "If you continue my word then u are my disciples indeed and then you will know the truth". (And the truth will set you free)

Its important to have friends that say I love you, but you're doin wrong.

None of us make it until all of us make it. If we don't make it through christ we won't make it.

All Jesus needs in an invitation. The holy spirit will not force himself upon you.

Graces = god's riches at god's expense
Jesus plans to prosper you and not to harm you.
I will trust you with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding.

(Refer to the chorus of "Stomp")

Hopefully these words will be beneficial to another person!

...alone

i wish to be...alone
in a place of comfort
a place of peace
solace, truth, calm

how can i get here?
someone show me the way
i don't think another can bring it to me
they simply can't
only I
will be able to bring
this non attainable destination
into my frugal reality

i long for it
crave it
i desire it
NEED it
oh Lord, may I?

i beg, grovel, succumb to you
if it will be mine
now, later, or anytime
before i die

Lord, please
let me, your servant
be
...alone

B-more's finest

While reading through some of my fave blogs i came across miss Parris Desiree's. She's a fellow rep of the DMV and one friend i've had since august. You can always count on parris for a cute outfit and a good hug. Make sure you give her blog a read and you won't be dissapointed

http://trestresdoux.blogspot.com/

CUATRO!

to think, it all started with an innocent walk to publix when i thought i didnt have a chance and she was actually diggin my friend...but now it has eclipsed 20 weeks or 140 days or better yet FOUR MONTHS. i know people may say "hey, its only 4 months.." but for me you must cherish things in life as they come because you never know how long they'll be there. [quote it, lol] i have learned to truly love this young lady for all of our differences and similarites, i can truly say that this is real love and its "maddd" strong [insider] hopefully these 4 months will be a blip in the rear view mirror as we continue on a path to where i can't see the end in sight

11.16.08

True Religion

have you ever admired something for so long, and then had the chance to grasp it in your arms??? well, i finally got that chance last saturday when the true religion outlet called my name. I have always LOVED the jeans as I saw people around town wearing them. Being a jean freak [owing 30 pair and having to give away 23 last year] i can value the quality denim, beautiful stitching, and superb washes. not to mention that best fit out. The way they hug up top and kinda fall at the bottom makes me :D. so when i tried my first pair on there was no way i was leaving VA without a pair...It just so happens that i fell in love so much, i had to buy 2 and it was the best $$ i spent in a long time. now i know i'll have 2 pair of jeans for at least the next 3-4 years that will always be stylish and not go out of style

Spring Break Recap

It was the best of the times....it was the even more better of times, lol

Spring Break 09 was truly one for the ages. It allowed me to be a "mature" young man and actually bring my girlfriend, Elena, home. This was something I never envisioned doing so early but when something's right you can't let "plans" get in the way. We had an amazing time from the car ride with my dad and my stepmom in the airport to our shopping spree [ :D ] at the Prime Outlets in Williamsburg (Coach, True Religion, Nike, American Eagle, RALPH LAUREN!!!] I couldnt have asked for a better first spring break because although it wasn't panama city beach, south beach or Puerto Rico I really can value driving around MY town, eating MY grandmother's dinner [lasagna & fried chicken were scrumpscous] and being in MY comfort zone. They'll be plenty of chances to travel to other places, but this time the 757 held me down justtttt fine..

Times like These

I sit and wonder and speculate on all the magical things that occur in my life; family. friends. health. love. intelligence. happiness.

All I can conclude after looking at these magnificent, wonderful, stupendous things is that there is a plan out there for me. In no way, shape, or form could a life so great just come to fruition without there being some sort of divine intervention. Whether God, Allah or Buddha, I know that something out there has me in their best interest because I could not ask for a better situation.

Morehouse College student, 3.9+ GPA, loving family, affectionate girlfriend [E.E.W] and TRUE friends that I always know I can run to at 3am and they'll be there for me.

These things do not come a dime a dozen and if you have these same sort of blessings in your life, make sure you take the time out of your busy day to offer up some sort of thanks to whatever is watching over you in this "crazy world" - Jeezy

"cough cough" :friend: ship

it's crazy when you think about the word friendship: in theory its a simple compound word which evokes the thoughts of a common bond between two people that would consider themselves to be close. however, in my present location [the AUC] i find myself constantly challenging that definition. A lot has changed since August and in one respect it should have been expected but in another it's something that's hard to prepare for. You see yourself as friends with a person but then people change, grow, and move further apart and all you're left with is the title. Now I know i'm a southern boy, but in such a geographically diverse situation where people have varying definitions as to what friendship is am i wrong to think like this??? I thought I knew who my true friends were here and to some extent I do. With the year coming to a close it amazes me to the people that were there in august and are no longer really present and those that have arrived on the scene. Maybe this is all just a dude ramblin , or it could really be the truth being spoken. I just hope somehow people can understand what a true "friend" is and what goes along with that title...because it's more than just a 6 letter word

I guess all i can do is try and weed between my friends and my "friends" to figure out who belongs in which category

midterm craziness

when i heard that sleep is for the weary, i never thought it would apply to me. the last 2 nights have been nothing but 2K9, facebook, espn.com, weezy and drake. these are all the ingredients of midterm week before spring break. who ever knew sociology would be so difficult and econ such a breeze? between faust and lyssistrata for english & the gender transgression zone and hegemonic masuclinity for men in society, my mind is constantly on the move...i wish it could all be over and i could be back in va near the water, 7-eleven, norfolk state and macarthur mall. i know it'll all be over soon enough, but it definitely could hurry up a little bit